Hello Guys!! Welcome back! Last week we started in Matthew 6. Don’t worry, we will get back to that next week. Because today, I am going to talk about this GIANT step in faith I made this weekend.
I have a story for you guys from this past week.
I received a text from my youth pastor saying, “ Hey Raegan, would you potentially be interested in reading the Bible out loud from the stage down stairs this weekend. [Campus Pastor] Tony wants someone to read the Bible before he preaches… would you be interested in that?”
Originally when I saw this, I was ecstatic! And responded with all caps YES!! I was so excited for this opportunity! I was crazy for it! I was so excited, I couldn’t wait. I honestly wanted to do all four services at my church.
Now I had to pick a service. However, that week I hardly saw my family. I was crazy busy like normal. I texted my parents Wednesday, asking them for what service I could do it and they didn’t respond till I called them Friday during school. Then I picked the 9:15 service Sunday Morning.
I was sent an email with the names of the people who were doing it in the other services. They were all adults. This is when the doubt kicked in; where all the negative self-talk kicked in. I started talking to a friend of mine about it, and how I was so nervous about it. I told her that my mom told me not to do it, if it was going to stress me out!
My friend told me to just back out, so what did I do. I texted the coordinator (Traci) that I wanted to back out.
Traci then began to try and encourage me to do it, and not back out. But, at this time I had no idea who she was, I thought she was some random person who has never talked to me. I began to think, she doesn’t understand me. Later, I came to find out, her husband was my chiropractor, her son used to go to youth group with me, and yes, I have had a conversation with her. (I later told her this, and apologized and we laughed about it.)But originally, I had no idea who she was, so I panicked.
Well, at least an hour passed, and I was heading to a family friends house. Friday was the elementary father daughter dance, and I had agreed to help the youngest daughter to get ready. Pictured on the main picture, her name is Rachel. Well, I had to get Rachel all ready for her dance. However, when I showed up, Rachel’s mom asked me if I was ready for Sunday. I told her I backed out.
She talked to me about it, trying to find out why I backed out. Well, long story short, I texted Traci back and I was like “Hey, I am going to do this.”
Traci then forwarded the email on to me, with the passage and everything. The passage I was given to read was Matthew 25:31-55. All about the crucifixion of Jesus. So I read through the passage with Susie (Rachel’s mom). If you have the free time, I totally recommend you check out that passage.
But, in the passage there are multiple words that intimidate me a little, “Cyrene”, “Golgotha”, ““Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”” , and “centurion”. These words startled me, especially, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”– this means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” in Aramiac. Next week we are going to talk about the passage I read!!
So Saturday came around, and it was a crazy busy day, so I really didn’t think about reading in front of the church, until around 7pm. At this time, I had this idea, even though Seth had a long week, if he could come up to my house Saturday night and he would be there for my reading the next day. Luckily, things worked out and he was able to come up to my house.
I got to bed around midnight and I fell asleep without a problem, but all through the night I continued to have dreams of things going wrong on stage. I had a dream that I had tomatoes thrown at me, or my skirt fell down, and everything else you can imagine going wrong, went wrong in my dreams.
6am came around and after me waking up for the millionth time, I decided I would play some games on my phone, to calm my nerves down. I did just that.
For me one of my biggest challenges, or what I call a “giant” is self doubt and negative self talk. When I woke up, these thoughts were running through my brain, “that I wasn’t good enough”, “I shouldn’t be on stage” and so many other negative things. However, I didn’t let any of these things stick. I told myself every time a thought like that came in my mind, I would say out loud “LIE, DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Everytime it worked, but a new thought came and it was a constant battle.
FInally, it came to going on stage, I was nervous, but so excited for such an amazing opportunity. I took a deep breath and walked onto stage. I read it! I survived.
However, my body took control, and I shook like a leaf in a tornado! This didn’t stop me from speaking clear. My mom told me, “It was the clearest I have even spoke in my whole life.” As some of you know if you are a regular viewer, speech is something I have battled my whole life. AND I CONQUERED IT!!! Guys, we all have battles but trust me with God you can beat them! I did it!! I love you all!! Keep fighting your battles and don’t let the battles win!